marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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