I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
