I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
