I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
