yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
