i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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