I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
we should paint friendship bongs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
