as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
