Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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