I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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