I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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