You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
