i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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