i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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