saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
