Need sex. Gaining weight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
