Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
