I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
