Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
