no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
