Just cropdusted the office
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
