Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
