ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Randomize
