There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
