either way he was missing a nipple.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
