I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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