I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
