If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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