Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
