I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
