i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
