please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
