I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
