Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
