His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
