both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
