You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
