My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
