Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
