She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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