if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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