Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
