you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
