girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
