Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
