Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
