she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
