hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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