I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
