i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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