so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
