Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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