The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize