a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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