I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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