Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
