Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
