does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
