I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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