I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
