It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
