You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
