So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
